To talk about relationships opens a huge box within which are many variations. There are relationships with one other person. This could be a partner, a parent, an authority figure, a pet or anyone else. There are relationships between people you know. There is, of course, your relationship with yourself or groups of people and these have their own page on this website called self esteem and confidence. Within any relationship is space for a myriad of scenarios. As every person is unique, so every relationship is and the members of that relationship bring their own experiences and expectations to it. Every relationship offers hope and potential to learn, to grow, to live and love better. Within each relationship is also possibility for confusion and pain, through fear, disappointment or clumsiness in communication.
Sex is often a fantastically accurate mirror of everything else that is happening so that if either or both partners are experiencing difficulties in other areas of life, these will probably impact on their sex life. If either partner has particular sexual difficulties this is likely to also effect other areas in the relationship.
WHAT HAPPENS IN THE BEDROOM HAPPENS EQUALLY
IN THE LIVING ROOM, THE KITCHEN, tHE GARDEN, THE CAR...
(AND VICE VERSA)
We learn about relationships from observation and experience. Growing up, the closest adults, usually parents, are the prime examples of what a relationship is between partners, of how to be an adult man or woman and of how an adult is in themselves and in relation to others. Much of what we learn is useful and appropriate but some of what we learn may not be. All of this will impact on who we are how we make relationships through life.
THE NATURE OF CARE RECEIVED AS A CHILD
IS WHAT THAT CHILD GROWS UP TO LABEL LOVE
There are many areas where difficulties concerning relationships can arise, some of which are:
- Meeting someone
- making a relationship
- sustaining a relationship
- splitting up
- heartbreak
- loss
- repeating patterns
- communication
- sexual difficulties
- past traumas
- interpersonal dynamics
Here are some tools and suggestions:
- Buy Suzanne's double relaxation CD, Adventures in Relaxation, and listen daily to one or other of the half hour relaxation adventures every day with the aim of giving yourself a mini holiday.
- Having discussed it first with your partner, toss a coin to see who goes first. Who ever wins the toss has a previously agreed time to speak, uninterrupted, while the other person listens. Five or ten minutes is good. When the time is up, even if the person is in the middle of a sentence, the other person has the same time to speak, uninterrupted, while the other one listens. The second person does not have to respond to what the first person said. Try to express yourselves using, “I feel…” rather than, “You make me feel…”
- Always say hello and goodbye when one or other arrives or leaves and do not go to bed angry.
- A good book: How to Mend Your Broken Heart, by Paul McKenna and Hugh Willbourn
- Talk to someone. Talk to a friend but, if it has been going on for a while or seems particularly distressing or is effecting your life, consider seeking professional help. See your GP. Go as couple to see a couple's counsellor. You can come to see Suzanne. You will find contact details right here on this website. If you live too far away to consult Suzanne, go to the National Council for Hypnotherapy or the General Hypnotherapy Register websites to find a well qualified hypnotherapist in your area.